I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
