Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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