I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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