There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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