he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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