The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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