He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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