Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
