we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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