OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
