I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
