Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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