my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were destined to go to rehab together
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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