There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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