I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
