Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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