She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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