I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize