I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
