They should really pass out barf bags in church
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
