That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
