Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize