I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
