please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
