dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
