well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
