You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
