So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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