Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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