Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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