Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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