I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
