I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
