I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
