you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize