sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
