i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
