So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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