mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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