I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
