woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
