The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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