If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize