So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
