it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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