Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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