two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize