I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize