I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
