if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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