So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
