How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this will be a night to untag.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
