What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Randomize
