i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize