i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
