Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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