I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
