I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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