You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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