this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
