I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
